Interests:Midwifery, reading, crocheting, piano, voice, most kinds of music (sorry, no rap or death metal here), showing neat natural things to my kiddos and seeing them get excited about it. Expertise:It seems I have an expertise in making poor decisions. God is helping me work through this area so I can change this area. I am working on being a midwife and am already a birth doula. Occupation:Mom, wife, daughter,friend,dou Industry:Birth
So time really flies. Its been busy and crazy but we are all the better for it! Kevin and I were going to have our formal ceremony in September. It has gotten postponed. We were legally married with our parents present by an elder in our church (in Colorado, your dog could marry you and it'd be legal) January 10,2009. It was a nice small, quiet ceremony in the house we are renting together. (We did not move in together until after the wedding.) It was sped up from what we had originally been planning due to safety issues for Victoria at the school we were in. No 5th grader should ever be scared of another 5th grader, nor should she have to deal with death threats from that 5th grader. So much for a good district! We are now in the 2nd ranked district in the state (from what I hear) and close to Kevin's son so on the weeks we have him, we're close enough for all the kids to walk to their respective schools (or bike. they love their bicycles!). We are also close enough to Kevin's work. since I work from home, that never needed to be a consideration We are enjoying our church family and working on getting further integrated into it. there isn't a choir at this point. Special occasions (holidays) are the only times they think of putting a temporary one together. Its not that they have anything against it, its more because those who would be in it are so spread out. We are the farthest family south and the farthest family north are about 3 hrs away from each other. We also rent our facility so there isn't a good place for us to meet and practice. I asked about helping with making tapes/cd's of each sections part and that has been thrown around, however things need to be calmed down for a bit first as everyone has been very busy. Who isn't anymore? well, its getting about that time I need to get supper going. I hope everyone is well. We are loving it up here in Colorado with the lack of humidity and cool breezes.
Eeek. didn't realize my last posting was the day of the divorce. Makes sense really but still very weird to not have been on here for almost an entire year! Much has happened. I mentioned I was saving up to move. God allowed me to be able to move to Colorado in May. I've wanted to move here for many years (since about age 16 or so) and all the pieces fell into place quickly. I have friends up here I've known since I was quite young who have also wanted me to move up here for a very long time. The children are happy and adjusting well. Kelly had introduced me to her best friend before I had the financial ability (but not the desire) to move out of Texas. He is now my fiance and we have set a date for Sep 22, 2009! I think we've picked where the wedding will be held. We have our minister and the colors of the wedding all situated. I have most of the bridal party worked out.. He however is still trying to figure that part out. Apparently I have more friends that he does. Its fun though to plan this with him to know he is interested in what things look like and all the details of the wedding has been a joy. He is enjoying it too. (He says so!)
I'll update pics soon. The kids have gotten much bigger from the posted pictures... I hope you all are well
On January 17th at about 9am, I transitioned from being Leah Beth Smith to being Leah Beth Moody-Smith. The judge signed the paperwork wished us both well and it was done. I am relieved, happy, elated, happier than any woman should be after a divorce. It is not only the end of my legal marriage, but the end of a time in my life that was frequently more sad than happy. He has agreed to terminate his rights to the oldest, the second child would like the same courtesy but he is being obstinant. I am hoping (perhaps unrealistically) I can get him to sign off on all the kids. The hardest one that would hit is the 3rd but I think overall, with her now not really wanting to see him much anymore that it would eventually be ok for her. I am hoping to have the rights terminated to the oldest by her birthday so I can send her the paperwork and she can know that not only can her name change to Moody but he will no longer have any rights to her at all so if, Heaven forbid, something happens to me he can't make her live with him. My attny is looking into all that. The nice part about all of this is he's relinquishing his rights to her willingly.... No long court battles.. I may well try and force the others... but i want to wait on that. I don't want to be the reason he tries to commit suicide again. He's stopped going to our church as well which is lovely as well. We meet him places to see the kids when they want to go which at most is every other week. I am not legally obligated to have him see them any specific amount of time. I am basing when he is around them when the kids ask to see him or if he asks, then I will ask the children. If their answer is no, so is mine. Sad, but good. I hope everyone out there in Xanga-land is doing well. We are thriving here. It will be better when I am able to move out.. I'm saving up for that now. I need my own space.
End of the year stuff. We cycle, of course, through stuff in our lives. Many "norms" in life come and go at seemingly regular intervals. This year, that has been no less true. Life has ebbed and flowed with a little less drama than a year ago, but things still come and go. Worked on 2 modules this year and will do 2 next year to finish my coursework for midwifery.. now on to catch babies. We have one client who, I'm sorry to say, is one I don't want to be at her birth. The sight of her makes my skin crawl. My mom, as always, repremanded me for talking about this client. She said if she lets you catch her baby then who cares what's wrong with her? Well, a woman who, if she knew (and not that I hide it, this makes me actually want to flaunt it in her face) that I have a biracial daughter, would refuse to allow me at the birth. I want to get a shirt made with Faify's pic on it and wear it the next time we have a prenatal with her. It would be wrong and I'm supposed to be nice. I just don't WANT to be nice to a family of Natzi's. I filed for divorce last month (the 19th of Nov) and am looking forward to signing the papers after the new year. It'll be finalized by the end of january. Faithy comes home tomorrow for about 10 days. I miss her a lot. It'll be nice to have my daughter back here with me for a bit. I'm looking to see if i can swing the transsyberian orchestra tickets for her. She likes them and it'd be fun to go to that with her Sunday night. I just need to see if mom will watch the other kids while I take Faithy and Tori. we'll see. I also need to see if the 180 it'll cost for the 3 of us to go is realistic too....... We'll see. Anyway. I hope everyone in Xanga land is doing well.
I slowed down writing here since it seems that somehow things that are typed on here end up in the hands of people who twist things and cause problems for me. However, I need to type some things out to help me continue the clarity in my mind. I filed for divorce November 14th. I had a sudden onset of clarity, purpose and peace and since then I have really reduced what I feel I need to eat. I'm not doing the emotional eating nearly as much. I am able to listen to my body more. We'll see if it shows on the scale.. last time I weighed myself 2 or so weeks ago i was the heaviest I've EVER been.. So.... Something needs to change. I have realized much about the way and reasons behind some of the more "interesting" choices I've made since I filed for divorce. I really can't believe it took me this long to get here. I'm disappointed in myself for a lot of reasons that it actually took me 9 years (!!) to get to where I am away from him. I feel like a lot of what I was feeling for my husband was a sense of loyalty, duty and compassion. I'm not so sure it was really love at all. Hind sight as they say.. I felt needed and that's what mattered to me.. I know he loved me as he knows love. His version of love isn't though. Why I couldn't see it even before our wedding I'm not sure.. I'm good at convincing myself that things which aren't good for me really are... I'm working on that. He's hurt and angry and has every right to be. I should've done this years ago but then I'd not have at least Aaron if not Aaron and Daniel. I love my boys so God had me stay to be able to bring them into the world. The friends who haven't deserted me during the course of my marriage to Stephen are showing me how much I really have to offer and how (dare i say it?) beautiful I am. Still the hardest thing for me to believe. i know i can offer myselflessness and everyone loves that.... But beauty? I still have a lot of issues to work on obviously. I can get well now that I've cut off the cancerous growth that has been holding me back and keeping me down. i value the friendships i have and am looking forward to the future with my children and continuing and finishing school. I LOVE my new job and look forward to coming to work every morning. I hope to eventually get back to the travel side.. But the Help Desk is good too.. Still feels like I'm doing something for others.. For those of you who know me well, you know that is the ultimate for me. Making others lives better in SOME way.. Even if its just resetting a password. lol I'm beginning to feel again. I hadn't realized how deadened I'd allowed myself to become. The resurfacing of emotion is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I'm not sure what to do with myself sometimes!! Well, i'm sure I'll continue to write more soon.
We are enjoying our church family and working on getting further integrated into it. there isn't a choir at this point. Special occasions (holidays) are the only times they think of putting a temporary one together. Its not that they have anything against it, its more because those who would be in it are so spread out. We are the farthest family south and the farthest family north are about 3 hrs away from each other. We also rent our facility so there isn't a good place for us to meet and practice. I asked about helping with making tapes/cd's of each sections part and that has been thrown around, however things need to be calmed down for a bit first as everyone has been very busy. Who isn't anymore? 
